- Guys will buy porn from a street vendor, if there are no women around.
- Semi-attractive women look amazing when you only see 1 per day.
- Some people have way too much money.
- Prostitutes make house calls.
- That whole "construction worker yelling at random passerby from atop a steel beam" thing that I had long ago stashed in my "only happens on T.V." file actually occurs. Sadly.
And that's the one I find the oddest. I can't say that I see it all the time, since there just aren't enough bystanders in the area quite yet, but everytime I do see it I cringe a little bit. Not because I find it offensive or anything like that, some of these lines are actually pretty hilarious, but because I feel bad, embarrassed almost, for the worker. Mainly because I'm actually around to see the aftermath, from both sides of the equation.
The guys:
The setup is always the same. Attractive woman leaves building or rounds corner up the block. The first witness starts the nudge in the ribs chain. When everyones attention is on the desired subject the pre-banter begins. Usually concerning what they would do to said woman should they both find themselves locked in a confined space. Or how long it would take them to reach climax should relations occur with said woman. Or the combination of two completely unrelated words or phrases meant, in this context, to imply sexual intercourse. Or some combination of the above (for example: "An hour of calzone surfin' with her in a cab and I'd be limpin' outta there worse than Jerry G!"... This would make more sense if you knew Jerry G. Wait a second - would it??)
When the subject is within earshot the introductions begin. For the most part, inoffensive fare like "How 'bout that sunsine?", "How's it goin' ", and "Sweet ass, up here".
The gals:
Walks by the group of onlookers, sometimes acknowledging them, sometimes not.
* * *
The problem lies in the lose-lose postion the women are in. If she ignores the group, they call her stuck up and whore (not audibly of course, there's still some degree of tact involved). And if she so much as makes eye contact with someone, the second round begins, only this time - more specific. Not that there's inherently anything wrong with that. I think people nowadays, with their ipods and attitudes and cell phones, are behaving way too anti-social-ly. Increased civility towards their fellow man shouldn't be half bad. People shouldn't feel forced into conversations though. Like when they're late for work, or they've had a bad day.
I can see it in their eyes now. Women on the street see road work being done up ahead, and for that split second you notice a combination of multiple switches being flipped:
- ugh, not these guys again
- should I cross to the other side of the street?
- start writing a text message
or the like. I only care because these are essentially my clients, and I'd like for them to be comfortable. Ah well.
Me, I just hit em with a brick and drag em into an alley. The percentages are a lot better for me with that course of action.
2 comments:
I miss you.
PS - cranberry and vodkas are only like, $6 here. and if you bought me one, I'd give you my real phone number.
Hmm, yes, the brick works quite well...
and yes Gideon, you should come to Pittsburgh, maybe then I will get to see Allison as well.
Don't worry wife, I am just kidding. I work crappy shifts, it's pretty much my fault.
Post a Comment