iPwned...

Man, that Apple. Steve Jobs must be a sadist. I really cannot fathom any other reasoning for why the iPhone 3G rollout has taken place the way it has. Perhaps AT&T had a hand in the matter as well (perhaps even playing a larger role in the final decisions), luckily they don't have the luxury of a well known figurehead for me to vilify.

I've always been enamored with the iPhone's aestetics and OS. It's just a well put together piece of machinery. The only thing keeping me from its first iteration was its premium pricing and subpar carrier. This new edition has the price aspect covered, unfortunately I'm smack in the middle of a verizon contract. The gf, on the other hand, is essentially a free agent; and so the adventure begins...

Armed with the knowledge that even with last years hype, lines essentially disappeared within hours on launch day, we ventured forth on Sunday afternoon (two days after the 3G launch). What we were greeted with was not comforting: lines snaking as far as the eye can see (provided the day is quite foggy). There are 3 Apple stores in NYC (we had already figured AT&T stores were a waste of time), the first of which we were turned away from because they had closed down the line to make sure they could accommodate everyone. And this was at like 5pm. The place closed at midnight; thats how ridiculous it was. We were told it'd be a better idea to go to the midtown - flagship - store, since it was open 24 hours. Upon arriving there we saw a line about twice as long as the other one, and this line was shut down for the day as well. How they can shut down a line at a 24 store is beyond me, and I vocalized this feeling, but was turned away in the end.

Now I'm well aware that the douchebaggery quotient, per capita, in NYC is absurdly high, but this just seemed a little excessive. I had to do some theoretical math at this point:

Apple said they sold something like 1 million units, worldwide, in the first 24 hours. NYC has over 8 million people, at least 2 million of whom are douchebags. 3 Apple stores, roughly 25 employees dedicated to iPhone activation per store, roughly 15 minutes per activation.

That's only about 300 people per hour for the entire city - about 4500-5000 per day. Now how exactly is this method supposed to accommodate such a high concentration of tools? You'd be a fool to assume they wouldn't all demand the newest, latest immediately after it becomes available (this does not apply to me nor my associates since I have accurate appraisals of our buffoonery readings on file). And this mandatory in-store activation just threw a gorilla sized monkey wrench in the mix. Boo.

In any case, she decided to wait until the middle of the week, hoping the lines would be more approachable in that environment. Alas, they were not. We were again told that the line had been shut down (this time at about 5pm). Upon further questioning I was told that the line was currently about 3 hours long and they cutting off sales at 1130. Since it was like 5 o'clock, this didn't really add up. We figured they were just bs'ing to stop the influx of people getting off of work, so we decided to get some drinks and come back later on. 4 hours later we get back and the line has like 5 people on it, yet it's still closed. After respectfully arguing with the "bouncer" of the line, we decided to just go into the store and try to ninja ourselves into the iPhone section. That didn't work either (we even saw people attempting the same thing get booted). In defeat we left the store, and saw the line had miraculously opened up again (what a surprise). There were already like 15 people on the line but we got on anyways. An hour later she had her hands on a unit and I had a headache. This whole miserable process took about 7 months off my life through stress alone, yet I maintain a level of serene calm right now...

Kobayashi...

Now, I've always been a fairly competitive person. I have a fairly high confidence level when it comes to trials of either a physical or intellectual nature, especially if these contests are 1-on-1. I'm seldom quiet about these views leading up to the heat of battle. For the most part I can back up these boasts, either with actual skill or through cunning misdirection, creating the illusion of actual skill.

With this personality type, I watch the Nathans Hot Dog eating championship annually. Even though I maintain a fairly high level of awe (tweaked with a slightly lower value of envy), I still tell myself year in and year out that I can hang with these guys (and gals).

Flash forward to July 4, 2008. It's decided amongst a group of friends that we will hold our own Hot Dog eating contest (heavily instigated by yours truly, of course). We buy a bunch of hot dogs and then proceed to barbecue, play poker, and get hammered. At about 8pm we realize that we haven't actually had the contest yet. At this point everyone has had several plates already, as well as quite a few drinks; but the show must go on.

Rather than waste dogs, we decided to have a race to 5, as opposed to a time limited free for all. All the guys present participated, even one against his will. We tried to get some of the women to, but they all declined. In a decidedly sexist act of bravado I personally challenged all of the women to compete against me; my score versus all of theirs combined. They ignored me.

As showtime inched closer I chuckled to myself as I watched my competitors slather toppings onto their wieners. They were just making it harder on themselves. They, too, ignored my suggestions. I was fine with that, though. Then the moment of truth arrived...

The starting pistol sounded. I immediately grabbed 2 dogs out of their buns and forced them into my waiting maw, imitating my idol: the Kobayashi. Meanwhile, my opponents were chowing down on dog-bun combinations. Fools, the lot of 'em. As I pushed the last portion of the second dog in my mouth and dunked the first bun into my cup of water I stole a glance across the table. To my surprise someone, lets call him the Abomination, was finishing up his complete 3rd dog. I nearly wept openly at this sight, but being the soldier that I am, I ventured on with a drive not seen since the Crusades.

Then the Blue Moon hit me.

Then the hot wings hit me.

Then the cheeseburger, then the 151.

I couldn't complain, though. These men were on level ground. I saw in the eyes of each of them a feeling of nauseau that matched my own. The cheering and laughter from the sidelines in no way drowned out the incessant reverb eminating from my stomach. Then, all of a sudden, it was over. The abomination had won, in just under 5 minutes. Though that hardly seemed like a time worthy of a mustard colored belt, there I was, still with nearly an entire dog in my hand.

Right now I finally understand the futility of my dream. Even with the excuse of a full days worth of meals already in my belly, I didn't stand a chance. It's a feeling akin to those sessions at the batting cage with the setting on baseball-fastball. For me at least. But then again, I strike out in slow pitch softball, so what do I know.

Crimson disk of expiration...

Or red ring of death, as it is more commonly known as.

I'm sure some of you already know what I'm referring to. For the uninitiated, let's just say my 360 is on vacation. Against my will. I think that's a lot of nerve for a system that is barely 5 months old. Some of these youngsters can be so temperamental sometimes.

I was really starting to get in the groove, too. My vacation last week allowed me to catch up somewhat on my extensive backlog of games, (which currently includes Orange Box, Bioshock, Metroid Prime 3, Mario Galaxy, Call of Duty 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, Ninja Gaiden 2, Boom Blox, Smash Bros., etc.) though the xbox conked out right in the middle of the week, forcing me to switch over to Wii software and movies (I was able to catch quite a bit in like 4 days though: Fools Gold, Be Kind Rewind, In Bruges, Persepolis, 10000 BC, Definitely Maybe, Charlie Bartlett, Glengarry Glen Ross).

Still, I don't understand how MS could cock up a vital hardware component in such the way it has, and not even fully addressing the problem. I thought for sure that the overheating issues were a result of guys playing the systems way too often or in poorly ventilated locations. Well I hardly ever play and my room could be mistaken for a computer lab what with the incessancy of its air conditioning. Dang it; I've been hoodwinked!

Triple standard...

You know what I don't understand? How every action I make has a second or tertiary meaning that I am wholly unaware of. Actually, now that I think about it, it seems as if my actions have primary meanings I'm unaware of, and the significance I do place on these actions is apparently the second or third.

Allow me to paint a picture for you. I'm at the birthday celebration of a friend of the gf; not exactly the closest friend - so there probably won't be a load of people there she knows, let alone me. The gf and I sit down at an already situated booth. After a couple of minutes of mingling with the rest of the tables' residents, an unknown, attractive young woman comes over with a round of shots - shots which had been ordered before we sat down there. As such, there weren't any for us, which is obviously understandable. After the shots were taken the gf starts the round of introductions, after which it is discovered that there is one shot left over. At this point it should be noted that I was seated inside the booth, with the gf at the aisle. Well anyway, the woman hands the left over shot to me, which I gladly accept, me being an alcoholic and all.

At this point the gf starts being stand-offish, offering comments such as "I shouldn't have drinken that", which at the time caused me to look around at all the other recipients, checking to see if they were still conscious... Had the shots been poisoned? Was this mysterious woman recognized from America's Most Wanted? These were the things seriously going through my head. Well the gf wasn't really talking to me so I just started talking to the other table residents, no big whup (the mystery woman included - hereafter known as Aerith).

Several minutes pass and I come to find myself in a heated discussion with Aerith about whether beer or hard liquor gets you drunk faster, and I have always been a staunch proponent of the equality of various alcohols, provided they're consumed in equivalent ratios, so as I'm about to go into my spiel about BMI's and capillaries, she insults my beloved Bud and says I should try whatever monstrosity she was drinking at the time if I want to try a real drink. Always game for a debate, I - again - accept. At this point I hear a gasp and "Gideon!" coming from my gf. I look over, expecting to hear some juicy gossip as I take a sip. As I set the glass down she storms off as I thought to myself, "you call that a drink? I once chugged a cup of Black Label just because I didn't want to carry around the bottle anymore..." Then I thought "hmmm... maybe I shouldn't have taken that."

I could go on, but I'll simply present our eventual debate (I don't have arguments, I have debates). Her points were:

• I never should have accepted the shot, on the grounds that she didn't have one, she was introduced to Aerith before I was, and Aerith had to reach over her to put the shot in front of me, which leads me into point 2
• Aerith was obviously hitting on me, and I just sat there and allowed it; even instigating it at times.
• I accepted a drink from a) someone I didn't really know, b) a woman, c) a woman, in her presence, and d) a woman I didn't know, in her presence.
  

My counter-arguments were as follows:

• I'm conditioned to doing rounds of shots. When with my crew or hers, if a round is bought, by whomever, they are consumed without question.
  
• A shot costs an average of $10. If someone offers me a shot, 9 times out of 10 I'm going to drink it. That offending 10th being if someone already tried the shot and as a result of not liking it, spit it back into the glass.
  
• We were introduced as a couple, why would I assume some chick would attempt to usurp that, in such an obvious manner? I don't know how your estrogen infused brains operate! (It should be noted that these are simply paraphrases of the arguments)
• Would it have been different if it had been a guy that gave me that initial shot - all other events being equal?
• Would I have reason to be upset if this hypothetical guy had given her the shot instead (with or without reaching over me to get it to her)?

I had already awarded her the argument that I should have declined the second drink as circumstantially valid.

I won't get into the result of the debate, but when exactly did I lose the opportunity to accept a drink? When did unfaithfulness become a one-sided affair? Some would say these things occurred the moment we decided to "go steady", so to speak, and I can even understand the rationale behind that line of thought. I like to believe, however, that I have a choice in any potential extraneous relations, should they occur. Declining a drink from a random woman across the bar is one thing, but accepting one from an established acquaintance-in-law is another matter entirely, and should not bring about the belief that numbers will be exchanged once one party excuses themselves to use the bathroom. That's where trust issues come into play, but I won't cross that bridge at this point either.

I guess what it all comes down to is I'm sick of being told what I was doing or what I should have seen or the like. In retrospect, I assume that Aerith was, in fact, hitting on me (and really, can you blame her?) but I was not responding in kind, regardless of my actions dangnabbit. Can't a brotha be friendly without repurcussions anymore?

A chip and a chair...

So the legend is true. I just came back to win a poker tourney after being down to 1 chip (this chip representing 1/10 of the small blind). I'm not even sure how or why I wound up having just that chip, but I'm pretty glad I did. Usually when I'm at that point I just throw it into the next hand, regardless of what it is. This time I decided against it, probably because I was watching a movie at the same time and I didn't want to start another tourney.

I've gotten fairly good at online poker, and it seems to even rub off in the real world because in every instance in which I've played in a real casino in the past year I've cleaned up. It's a shame those instances are so few and far between. (Though I have yet to play in a casino in the continental US). One of these days I'm gonna enter one of those $1000 tournaments. And after I bust out in the 8th hand, I will summarily enter another one immediately, crap out after 3 hands, and jump off a bridge.

Also, on a random side note, I'm pretty sure you can make a consistent profit in super-turbo sit-n-go's just by blinding out.

The Real McCoy...

So Josh seems to think that he's the one with superpowers. Well little did he know that I decided to finally get a physical yesterday. It's been about 3-4 years since my last one. Why you ask? Well the answer to that will be revealed soon enough...

So I'm getting some bloodwork done, and the flabotamist is having a tough time getting a sample. She keeps sticking the tube in me but nothing comes out. She says that it's probably because my veins are collapsing, but I know the truth. This certainty became even more evident when, upon finishing her duties, she attempts to apply an adhesive bandage, but alas; There is no wound. My arm is entirely unblemished, even after all the repeated injections.

And you have the mutant healing factor. Ho ho ho, my dear friend, I think not.

With great power...

I came to an uncomfortable realization the other day. In two separate conversations, with two separate individuals, I made references to choices that I have made - or will make - using reasoning like "I try not to do too much strength training so my body remains lithe", or "according to my research, you can survive a 3-story fall if you...". It was shortly after that second statement that the epiphany occurred.

In my heart, I honestly still want to be a superhero.

Like, truly. Thinking about it now, the signs are all there. The research on night-vision goggle prices. The perching on rooftops looking out over the masses (working in construction helps out there). The planning of escape routes in different parts of the city. I've apparently been planning this for years. I've always kind of known, but I just thought it was a silly hobby. Now I know it's not. At some point in the near future, evil must be vanquished by my hand - or I will be considered a failure.

I already have my costume picked out. I figure something along the lines of Solid Snake, except I would wear a mask, of course. My identity would have to be kept secret because of my quasi-mortality (I'm still working on a serum to alleviate that) and my loved ones.

I would not use firearms in any way; silent weapons only, like swords and telekinesis. (Mental note to investigate the possibility of fire arms, though). I will also use some sort of portable version of the man-cannon, of my own design.

I would also have a monkey assistant - trained in aikido, though I haven't completely thought that aspect through.

Be cool

I don't pay utilities in my apartment. As a consequence to that, building management controls when to switch over the central ventilation system to AC. They usually do it on memorial day, but perhaps because of rising oil prices they have yet to do it.

It has topped 95 every day this week.

This is not a good combination. There's a desert/rainforest effect going on in my pants. It never stays any one ecosystem for any discernible length of time. It's pretty much pot luck.

As a result of this, I refuse to go home after work. And really, wheres the best, cheapest place to spend a disturbingly hot day? That's right, the library. I decided to go to the movies, however; books are for squares.

So in 3 days I've seen Zohan, Indy 4, Speed Racer, Baby Mama, and What Happens in Vegas. I was fairly close to seeing Redbelt as well, but I was getting sick of whoppers (the delicious malted candy, not the delicious flame broiled patty). I'm pretty much movied out at this point. Luckily, I didn't feel any of them were a waste of time. Speed Racer did seem to have a few too many anti-capitalist monologues for a kids movie. Fortunately there was a chimp.

Now I'd say I'm pretty caught up this movie season (I think the only movie I wasn't able to see thus far was the Forbidden Kingdom). This weekend I'll probably catch the Incredible Happening. Both of them have the potential to be good, but the buzz on M. Night isn't too promising, nor is the buzz from Ed Norton. We shall see...

New movie idea...

I saw this really good pitch online, and I may steal it for myself if enough people agree with me regarding its potential for greatness:

"I just had a dream last night about a movie I want to come to theaters called Suicide Horses. It's about people jumping out of planes on horses to their tragic deaths. Here is a visual of my idea:





Maybe an alternative title could be Skybiscuit. I think it would be an amazing and tragic movie to watch skitty [sic]."

Eerie Indiana

So I recently began a viewing regiment for the Indiana Jones series in preparation for the upcoming sequel. I’ve channel surfed my way past Raiders several times over the years, but I probably haven’t watched any of them the entire way through since they were first released. My impressions of the series have changed a bit as a result of these repeated viewings, though.

First of all, and I’m sure this has been brought up repeatedly, but I have no idea how these movies are rated PG. There’s more murder and blood in these movies than some horror movies released these days. Indiana alone probably kills as many people per movie as a Rambo or a Jigsaw. And quite nonchalantly to boot. I could maybe understand if it was cartoon violence, but again, if a death is accompanied by blood, it no longer falls in the “comic mischief” category.

Secondly, I didn’t particularly like Temple of Doom. Most of the scenes I remembered, or thought I remembered, from throughout the entire series all wound up showing up in Raiders, which I thought was a good thing at the time. I thought “wow, now the other two movies are gonna be surprises all the way through!”, which would have been a good thing if the cheese meter wasn’t dialed up so high (I have yet to get Last Crusade, so I’m not sure how that one will turn out).

The Temple of Doom was sexist, racist, ageist, and some scenes just plain ignored several of Newton’s Laws. I wanted to shoot the love interest for ¾ of the movie, and the last quarter I wanted to shoot Indy for repeatedly saving her.

Quite honestly, as of right now I think that National Treasure is better than either of the first two films in the series. Raiders definitely beats out National Treasure 2 though. And Temple, well the list of things that beat out Temple is too long to put in one blog entry. I know I haven’t really written anything bad about Raiders to explain why I’d put Nat’l Treasure above it, but that’s because I don’t think there was anything bad. It was a great ride. I just had more fun with Treasure, partly because I liked Cage’s supporting crew more. It’s more of a peanut butter and jelly vs. peanut butter and jam type of thing. Both delicious, but given the choice you just gotta go jam.

Tech $ux

I like having money. I also like shiny things. This obviously creates a conflict of interest. I understand that a lot of technological products have absolutely no use; nevertheless, I’m powerless every time I pass by a Best Buy. What I don’t understand is why the pricing for some products are so varied. I mean, with cell phones, I recognize the whole carrier subsidization thing, but there’s still such a huge disparity in pricing amongst the full price versions.

The standard features now are usually some sort of camera, mp3 functionality, some sort of web browser (either mobile or full html). All other things should be basically cost negligible (calculators, notepads, different sized address books, etc. And yet, the cost range between phones sold at full price can be as much as $500. The only varying factors are, I guess: camera resolutions, internal memory, GPS functionality, and interface (I’m not including smart phones in this group).

Now, I’m going to eliminate internal memory since the percentage of phones that have any relevant amount is relatively small. Concerning camera resolutions, most phones don’t have the highest quality of lenses, so that factor becomes moot, and the actual camera features are usually pretty slim. And since if you look at the digital camera market right now and take something generic like a 6MP camera, the prices range anywhere from $100 to $350. The higher ranges tend to go to those with slimmer profiles and advanced features. So back in the phone realm, one has to assume phone cameras blow and are more so in the $100 range, and thus cancel out.

With interface, there are multiple screens, screen sizes, screen resolutions, touch screens, etc., but in no way could the difference between the cheapest combination and the most expensive be more than say, $200. So why do all the things I want cost an exorbitant amount of money? Especially when a PSP has most of the features of pretty much any phone or mp3 player, yet costs under $200? Why are you still reading this?

Book review

I've been meaning to do this for a while, I just haven't gotten around to it. As such, this book isn't exactly new (several years old), and it isn't exactly a book (so much as it is fan-fiction from the internet). But review it I shall anyway.

Goku/Anne Frank: Until the End of Time

This mashup between Anne Frank, whose titular diary became a beloved classic, and Dragonball, a popular manga/animated program originating in Japan in the 1990s, has tons of potential but ultimately squanders it through incomplete plot progression and a general lack of chemistry between the two romantic leads.

The story introduces both Anne and Goku without much exposition; those unfamiliar with the two characters will be immediately lost. Anne's character does express an unfamiliarity with the events that occur in the opening moments, a feeling the reader most likely shares, but Gofer-chan (the author) never rectifies this oversight for us nor the young girl. The attraction that follows is strictly juvenile and strangely out of place, even considering it happens within the opening lines of the story, when the reader may not actually have a sense of the mood the author is trying to invoke. The two are separated almost as soon as they're thrust together, again confusing both poor Anne and poor me.

The story definitely picks up in the second half, though. It seems as if Gofer-chan took a lot of time off between the two halves of the tale. Perhaps to hone his storytelling ability. The addition of several plot twists and thrilling, edge of your seat action transforms this yawn-fest into a masterpiece. I hate to give spoilers, but let me be the first to tell you your eyes won't leave the screen once Super Saiyan Hitler hits the scene.

The story almost falls apart at the end, since the resolution arrives almost simultaneously with the climax, but I walked away satisfied nonetheless. Overall, highly recommended for all fans of either aliens highly skilled in martial arts or innocent children psychologically tortured by mass genocide.

Grade: B+

Breakfast and beds

This past weekend the lady friend and I went down to Cape May for a little R&R. Little did we know during the planning of the trip that it's more of a summer locale. As a result, it was pretty much a ghost town while we were there. Though it was still a great time, it made me think about how sucky it must be to live there regularly. Especially as a kid.

Our first night out there we went to this bar for a late night snack and were able to witness the off-season nightlife. Needless to say, it was pretty lame - yet simultaneously funny. The fashions on these kids (I'd put them in the early 20's range) seemed stuck in a different era. For the guys, a little Bud Bundy meets Kevin from the Wonder Years. For the ladies, a little Molly Ringwald in her heyday meets a buffet. Well that's a little harsh I suppose; there was only one whale in the bunch. What there weren't were attractive people. Male nor female. And yet one could still see the gears grinding in people's heads as they considered the prospects on hand (and there weren't even that many people in this place, and it was literally the only place open in town). I kind of felt sorry for them. Then again, maybe all the cool kids in town were hanging out in someones house playing dollar tournaments...

Another funny thing was that all the other guests at the B&B we were at were older and had either teenage kids or grandkids. They were all discussing problems they had with their (grand)kids or how happy they were to have the house to themselves again. They assumed the gf and I were married as well, and we played right along. They were worried that they were going to discourage us from having kids, and I tried to play that angle as well, but I don't think I did it with a straight face. Old people are weird.


Moral of the story: Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

P.S. - I suggest everyone take this test, and all the others on the page.

Oscar wrap up

It was a pretty good oscar show overall I'd say. I didn't even come close to winning the pool (I think I only picked 11 right), but I'm not bitter - I swear...

Best Documentary/ Short film/ Foreign film
I actually had the opportunity to catch a screening of all of the nominated short and animated films. That lost out to an intense Rock Band session though. The documentaries/foreign films just weren't widely available enough to view in a timely manner. As such, these categories were guesstimated, as usual, and I lost no sleep over the choosing of the eventual winner.

Best Picture
This choice was no surprise. No Country was a great movie, with only one or two minor flaws. A fine choice given the competition.

Best Director
This usually goes to the Best Picture winner. It didn't hurt that it was the best directed picture anyway. Pretty much a lock.

Best Actor
I called this one, too. He had won in just about every other awards show, and he is well respected by the academy. I'm still not sure how I feel about Danny as a person though. Like, I don't think I'd wanna share a beer with him over lunch. Still think Viggo could've won this as well, though.

Best Actress
Biggest upset of the night, I think. Marion did put in a heck of a performance, but it had been the general consensus of those in the industry that Julie Christie would win, especially considering her previous award wins this season. Maybe Hollywood is trying to go more international and wanted more people on stage with unintelligible accents.

Best Supporting Actor/Actress
Javier blew me away in this role, mainly because I had never heard of him before. His win was most appropriate. And I haven't gotten the chance to see Charlie Wilsons War quite yet, but I hope sometime in the movie they explain Philip Seymour Hoffman's appearance. I bet they don't though...

My previous declaration of a Michael Clayton shutout was pretty close to occurring before Tilda came along. The thing is, after further thinking I realized she probably did have the best performance given her competition, and I actually picked her. Go me. I'd put Amy Ryan as second in this category, over manCate.

Best Screenplays
This is another category in which my initial feelings were defeated by my common sense. The characterization in Lars was still excellent, in my opinion, but that may have been more because of the acting than by the script compared to a Juno, so I correctly made this pick as well.

The Coen sweep was completed by the Adapted category. Really wasn't hard choice if you thought about it for a second.

Best Animated Film
Ratatouille. Nuff said.

Best Special Effects
I was watching a time delayed Tivo broadcast of the awards, while conversing on various message boards. At one point I noticed a topic declaring that "Transformers was robbed", and my heart sank. I refused to click on the topic and I refused to fast forward the show, in hope that the internet world existed in some alternate dimension where travesties such as this could transpire. Alas, this proved untrue. Another piece of me died inside when I saw that it was The Golden Compass that had beaten the mighty autobots, and not At Worlds End. The academy should be ashamed.

Best Score/Song
More categories in which my original picks won out. Before the nominations even were released I felt I knew what the winners should be. The 3 songs from Enchanted kind of annoyed me, too. I'm sure they came off well in the movie because of the whole spoof angle, but when performed it just seemed cliche.

Best Costumes

*sigh*

C'mon academy. Are you serious? Do the voters just look for the movie with the biggest dress and funniest hat? I mean they've been using these same costumes for every period piece since the 70's. There's no originality there, no creative thought whatsoever.

Best Makeup
I had no interest in this category either. But I guess there's a whole industry of people out there that do this so they've got to include it. Yay for them?

Best Cinematography/Art Direction
For these I depended a little too much on critics and not enough on my gut. I haven't seen the Diving Bell and the Butterfly, but heard good things (which effectively screwed me).

Even with that failed pick, I knew There Will Be Blood should win one of these categories, I just picked the wrong one.

Best Sound Mixing/Editing
These two categories overlap so much its hard to differentiate between them. Either of them can be done during the process of the other; its just all so silly. Anyways, Transformers should have gotten one of them because I said so. Maybe Hollywood just hates Michael Bay for some reason.

Best Film Editing
Another misguided Diving Bell pick. I'm really going to have to stop taking one persons fascination with a movie as a be all end all critique. Oh well.


P.S. - Congrats on the win, Jose.

RIP HD-DVD

A moment of silence, please.

Wait a minute, on second thought: light up a cigar. Let's get this party started!

Format wars suck. They're bad for the consumer since some early adopters are bound to get screwed over. They're bad for the industry since total unit sales are generally lower since the user base is split, and smart people don't even invest until a winner is decided. The war itself is really one big beta test, making the early adopters flush out the kinks and allowing the winning company to optimize the product by the time it hits the mass market.

Some format wars are fine. Say, when the industry involved allows for choice. Take digital music formats, for example. It's fine (but still stupid) that there are about 600 different music types out there (mp3, mp2, wav, wma, ogg, aac, m4a, aiff, voc, etc.) because there are plenty of players that are compatible with a variety of formats. You won't usually find a CD player that plays minidiscs though. Dual HD players are a temporary solution, but are absurdly expensive.

It's a shame that high definition movies won't even make much of a dent in the overall home video market. DVD was able to decimate VHS due to the extra features and accessibility (in the form of chapter selection, multiple language tracks, no rewinding, ummm... bonus features, etc.) that came along with it; the increased visual clarity was just a bonus. And all this for less than what VHS tapes cost.

Blu-Ray, for the most part, only offers increased resolution. There are various potential web based features that could be implemented, but everything else has pretty much either already been done, or is capable with DVD also, given the right player. This is not enough to get the average consumer to make the switch. Especially when you consider these resolutions are only applicable with the proper TV. I believe just under 200 million Blu-Ray movies were sold in 2007, compared with over 15 billion DVDs. Blu-Ray's got a long way to go to become the standard.

However, if it should catch on within the same time frame that DVD did, it'll cause ripples throughout the entire tech universe. Since PS3's have been and continue to be the cheapest Blu-Ray (BR) option on the market, the take off of the BR brand will cause the sales of PS3's to skyrocket, if Joe Consumer has any shred of common sense (hmmm, I can buy this BR player, or this BR player with built in video game system for $100 less). A shift of that magnitude would drastically alter the gaming industry (I won't go into that right now, God only knows no one's even read this far).

The BR standard would most likely cause it to become the de-facto packed in optical drive with all new computers. The licensing fees Sony earns from this would give them the capital, and the motivation, to include DRM features into any number of common programs. Sony would effectively take over the Earth, infusing the populace with microprocessors and ginseng. The world would end as we know it...

Wow. Really got on a bit of a tangent there. I think I need to go lie down.

There Won't Be Editing

So I finally got around to seeing There Will Be Blood, and it was actually a lot better than I initially thought it would be. The plot boiled down to exactly what I perceived from the trailers: one guys rise to power via the early 20th century oil boom, with smatterings of religious fanaticism thrown in for good measure. That plot seemed pretty boring to me, at least for a movie that I'd pay $10 for, but it turned out to be pretty engaging.

I'm not going to turn this into a full fledged review, because I don't care that much, but it definitely could've used some trimming to the running time. It's unnecessary to pause for dramatic effect after every line of dialog. The same problem applied to The Assassination of Jesse James... I still enjoyed the movie though, and would place it above Michael Clayton in terms of the best picture noms, and maybe Juno, but probably not. I'd definitely put No Country and Atonement above it though.

On a side note, aging sucks. I can no longer throw myself down a flight of stairs without feeling it the next day. I did a one-two punch of football and basketball earlier in the week, and I still can't walk without a limp. Now I'm not sure if this is aging, per se, or just proof that I need to hit the ol' yoga class a bit more. Either way, life sucks for me right now.

On a note even further to the left than the one above, I spent over an hour yesterday studying palindromes and palindromic theory. Yeah, that wasn't a typo. This is what my life has come to. I had to buy stain proof pillow cases to shield my nightly tears from eating away at the down inside.

On a side note, a perfect finish is better than a perfect season.

Oscar Poll

I just sent out the 2k7 oscar poll. if you didn't get it and want in, email me at gideonbryant@gmail.com

Books to film -> Books win; I get it

Whenever a book is slated to be made into a movie, people always wonder whether or not it's going to hold up during the conversion process. It should be pretty evident by now that they're not going to. They can't; it's not possible. There are always going to be story elements, exposition, setting details, etc. left out simply because of time constraints. A novel is simply too long to translate into a 2 hour movie. And children's books are usually too short to fill 100 minutes, so things are usually added to the story, again causing people like it less than the book.

In that case, I think people should just stop going into the movie with the mindset that it'll be a perfect visual representationof the book and take it as its own entity. That's probably hard for people to do, to keep an open mind about, but the two mediums are vastly different, able to invoke emotions in different ways. Given the proper direction, an actor can portray a sadness that we can immediately feel with their eyes alone, while an author may need several clever metaphors to get the point across. But perhaps those metaphors provide a more specific description of the characters true feelings. It's a problem that cannot really be solved outside of narration, which shouldn't be used with certain movie genres entirely.

It goes without saying that a lot of critically acclaimed movies start their lives as books, but in most cases the phrase "not as good as the book" still gets thrown around. I get it, everyone gets it. People should stop saying it altogether. In my opinion, if a movie is clearly superior to its book form, it was poorly written.

Now that I think about it, I should probably read Choke before that movie comes out.

...the grouch

It's that time again, boys and girls. I'll be the first to admit that I have an Oscar problem. An addiction, if you will. Alright, now that that's out of the way, on with the show!

Note: The following aren't my views of who's going to win, just random thoughts after seeing the nominees).

Best Picture
I suppose I'm okay with this years picks. 2k7 wasn't the best year when it comes to really great movies, so I don't believe there is a clear standout (national critics think otherwise). I've already seen 4 of the 5 choices, and out of those (Juno, No Country, Michael Clayton, Atonement) I think Atonement was the overall "best" picture. No Country was my favorite though, and runs a close second when it comes to best. I have yet to see There Will Be Blood, partly because it was the only movie from last year, aside from perhaps Epic Movie, in which after seeing the trailer I said "I have absolutely no interest in seeing this movie" (I haven't seen it, so I can't really pass judgment, but I said the same thing about the English Patient trailer), and partly because there were no ninjas in it.

Best Actor
This will probably go to big Danny, and I don't really have too much of a problem with that since I believe you can still have the best performance of the year in an okay movie (I'll stop Blood bashing now). My pick would be for Viggo, but then again, my pick means nothing.

Best Actress
The only movie I've seen in this category is Juno. And though it was a good performance I shy away from giving awards to child actors without a rich backlog since they might not even be acting at all. Maybe Ellen Page acts exactly like her character does. Do we know that she doesn't? I haven't watched her TV crap and she had about 3 lines in X3. I hear Julie Christie killed it though, so she's pretty much a lock.

Best Director
Hmmmm... my pick for best pic is the sole entry to not get a directors nod. How interesting. And gay. Since the auto Joe Wright pick is out, I've got to go with the Coen's. There direction was better anyway.

Best Animated Feature
I just want to know how Surf's Up got a nom over the Simpsons Movie. That's just rubbish. Not that it matters since Ratatouille is gonna win anyway. Half of the voters probably haven't even seen Persepolis, even with the screeners being sent out.

Best Special FX
I just want to know why 300 isn't in here. Or in the Art Direction category. Something!?! That just angers me greatly. And it'll be a travesty if Transformers doesn't win.

Best Song
Three songs from Enchanted? Again, I haven't seen the movie, but you'd think they'd throw Sweeney or Hairspray a bone. Either way, Once should win because the music in that movie was amazing. The movie itself was pretty amazing too. (Only movie soundtrack I got this year, well besides Jay-Z's American Gangster, but that had nothing to do with the movie).

Best Screenplay (Original)
I'd give this to Lars and the Real Girl, just because I felt it was really original, and the characters
were really different and came to life. I'd put Juno at a close second, but the ease at which you can write wiseacre children takes away some points.

Best Costumes
If Elizabeth wins this someone's getting their throat slit. That is all.


P.S. - You heard it hear first - Michael Clayton gets shut out.


P.P.S. - If anyone goes out to see Meet the Spartans this weekend, don't be surprised if you get your throat slit on the way out of the theater (I'd cut you in the theater, but I'd be afraid I might actually catch a glimpse of the "movie" and spontaneously implode from the epic funnilessness.)

Garfield's on the phone...

Working daily on a construction site in a residentially underdeveloped area has opened up my eyes to a lot of things:

- Guys will buy porn from a street vendor, if there are no women around.

- Semi-attractive women look amazing when you only see 1 per day.

- Some people have way too much money.

- Prostitutes make house calls.

- That whole "construction worker yelling at random passerby from atop a steel beam" thing that I had long ago stashed in my "only happens on T.V." file actually occurs. Sadly.

And that's the one I find the oddest. I can't say that I see it all the time, since there just aren't enough bystanders in the area quite yet, but everytime I do see it I cringe a little bit. Not because I find it offensive or anything like that, some of these lines are actually pretty hilarious, but because I feel bad, embarrassed almost, for the worker. Mainly because I'm actually around to see the aftermath, from both sides of the equation.

The guys:

The setup is always the same. Attractive woman leaves building or rounds corner up the block. The first witness starts the nudge in the ribs chain. When everyones attention is on the desired subject the pre-banter begins. Usually concerning what they would do to said woman should they both find themselves locked in a confined space. Or how long it would take them to reach climax should relations occur with said woman. Or the combination of two completely unrelated words or phrases meant, in this context, to imply sexual intercourse. Or some combination of the above (for example: "An hour of calzone surfin' with her in a cab and I'd be limpin' outta there worse than Jerry G!"... This would make more sense if you knew Jerry G. Wait a second - would it??)

When the subject is within earshot the introductions begin. For the most part, inoffensive fare like "How 'bout that sunsine?", "How's it goin' ", and "Sweet ass, up here".

The gals:

Walks by the group of onlookers, sometimes acknowledging them, sometimes not.

* * *

The problem lies in the lose-lose postion the women are in. If she ignores the group, they call her stuck up and whore (not audibly of course, there's still some degree of tact involved). And if she so much as makes eye contact with someone, the second round begins, only this time - more specific. Not that there's inherently anything wrong with that. I think people nowadays, with their ipods and attitudes and cell phones, are behaving way too anti-social-ly. Increased civility towards their fellow man shouldn't be half bad. People shouldn't feel forced into conversations though. Like when they're late for work, or they've had a bad day.

I can see it in their eyes now. Women on the street see road work being done up ahead, and for that split second you notice a combination of multiple switches being flipped:
- ugh, not these guys again
- should I cross to the other side of the street?
- start writing a text message
or the like. I only care because these are essentially my clients, and I'd like for them to be comfortable. Ah well.

Me, I just hit em with a brick and drag em into an alley. The percentages are a lot better for me with that course of action.

Scaredy cats

I saw some seagulls strolling across some freshly poured concrete today. Seemingly mocking the nearby construction workers trying in vain to shoo them away, unable to get within a threatening distance because of the same wet cement they were trying to protect. It was at this point that I realized how gangsta New York birds are.

I've always been against the notion that one is a product of their environment; I refuse to believe that my surroundings could somehow define me. But birds around here just don't give a hoot, pardon my french. And the only way to explain such odd behavior is that they are evolving to become closer to the average New Yorker: conceited, overweight, and angry at the world.

I work right on the shore of the East River, and so there are prone to be quite a few water fowl around, when in season. I remember the days when birds were mindful of potential threats. Yet in the past year I've walked right up to geese, sometimes feigning as much hostility as I can muster, and all I'm rewarded with is a sidewards glance. At times I'm certain they're expressions contain a mix of pity and disgust. Another time I may have gotten too close to some ganders girl, because all of sudden he rolls up on me, gives me the once over and stares me down. You know how in some freaky way you could see Tim Allen's face in the dog in the Shaggy Dog? Well I know for a fact I saw the Game's visage in this goose. Needless to say I hightailed it outta there.

I've seen a seagull take a pepperoni off of a slice of pizza and take a dump on the remaining cheese in one fell swoop. And not a slice in the trash or held out as an offering. No, in a grown man's hand. A soon to be angry man. As it flew away I could see "thug life" tattooed on its belly. At least I think I did; it was sunny that day.

I've seen a pigeon perch on the hood of a stroller and crap on a baby. Things are getting out of control, fast.

It's also at times like these where I just can't fathom how a scarecrow can even remotely perform its desired function. Are birds out west really that slow? Do they not realize that this supposedly imposing figure hasn't moved at all in 3 months? Maybe it's just another example of that subject-setting connection...

Time isn't on my side

You know what sucks? Working sucks.

Hold on. Perhaps I've spoken too quickly, too rashly. Working, in fact, does not inherently suck. It simply creates multiple opportunities for one to realize that they should be doing something else. I'm sure of it now. I don't think any profession short of crime fighter would sustain my attention for longer than a month or so. And that truly is sad.

Right now I'm at work at my night job, clearly not working in an efficient manner. I'm not even sure why I'm still working here, quite frankly. I think it may be because it gives me a chance to advance through my PSP queue on the way home (mass transit at any other time of day hardly affords the space nor the comfort one needs to truly delve into strategic nuance). Is that reason enough to sacrifice valuable hours my day? Of my youth? I could argue either way.

What I should be doing right now is attempting to decrease the ever present to-do list that encapsulates my psyche, albeit from behind the scenes. This list includes the clearing of my Netflix queue of the tripe that currently inhabitates it. One should assume that the third time a film gets moved from the top spot back down to say, 50, one does not really want to see that film. I do not live by such black and white standards. Upon perusal of a weeks DVD releases, they all go on the list. I rarely admit to my own faults, but herein lies one epic in scale. One that cannot be rectified through mere deletion, but through the complete annihilation of hundreds of hours of my existence.

The same goes for video games. Well not the same insomuch as I have rivers of mediocrity to wallow through, but rather I'm notably behind where I would like to be at this point in my life. Embarrasingly so. I've contemplated taking vacations solely to catch up on various entertainment media, but I always relent upon considering the prospect of relating my daily adventures. It's become evident that because of all the time I spend in my various means of employ, my recreational life has become dangerously routine.

My ultimate goal in life is be bored for once. I cannot honestly say that at any point in time right now. There is always a movie that must be seen, a game that must be played, a book begging for a read, a friend that must be accompanied, a practice test that must be taken... That's another thing. Somehow I have to reteach myself the fundamentals of EE, as well as a smattering of Civil Engineering principles, by April.

*Sigh*

Good thing there's whisky...